When you are a season of grief When you hurt the most When my friends flee

I'm My own best friend and anyway I'm not always interested in what others want to do... I'm interested in the mutual interest I may share

friends come and go, enemies accumulate... You'll be ok.

There may be good reasons why some of your old friends are not calling you. Like you they may be busy with new goals in their lives too. I am currently a full time caregiver for my partner who has dementia and needs to have everything done for him. It has put me in a position where I hardly ever see my friends, especially one who was my dearest and who needed me when her husband passed away suddenly. She has since moved and I haven't seen or heard from her for over two years - no doubt she has got on with her life but I regret not being there for her when she needed support. What I am trying to say is at times circumstances out of our control can impact on friendships but we keep going and you will find new friends so try to keep yourself active and happy.

How many real friends do you think anyone has? Lots of people you know. Many of those you are friendly with. But how many true friends? Maybe you are disappointed because you worked on pleasing many but never developed true friendships with most or any of them. Working on breadth without depth can leave you feeling empty and isolated even when there are many around you.

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. And I would have to agree with Mariaj, that these people are most likely jealous of you. Outside, they appear to be happy, excited for you, etc., but deep down inside, they are envious of you.

Because they are jealous of you now and secretly wish they were like you x

I’m happy in my own company, but I have coffees to watch the world pass by, love going to movies ( you don’t need anyone in a cinema), joined Probus and Lions. They have regular activities and you are part of groups doing good things. Lonely is a state of mind!

I have never experienced that but I have lost friends who have moved away or passed away, then family passes away as well so I wouldn't waste my time worrying about fair weather friends.

Have gone through this.Let them go.They are not true friends.

so called 'friends' are overrated. alone does not mean being lonely... be happy in ur own skin and with your own company..... Im sorry u feel that way.....do sum grounding work, sum meditation, walks on the beach...out in nature, in your garden....get a pet u can focus ur love on if you really need to. most imp is to learn to love urself......U wont need anyone else... xxx ps those type of freinds are only ur 'friends' bc u r down and needy and negative they feed off your energies...they are energy suckers.... find ur OWN people ur own tribe.....if u really need to have friends..who celebrate ur successes with you...encourage u always and are there when u also need them... Edited 08-Apr-25 20:13pm

True friends will always stick around and be happy for your success and progress and be there to celebrate with you

Just be yourself, and look after your health, follow your goals and do what you want to do. True friends will be drawn to you because of you who are and not for what you can do for them. Being a people pleaser is pointless. You can never please everyone all the time anyway and trying to will make you miserable.

You go and find new friends, people that are like minded and accepting of you no matter what choices you make.I have let go of many people because their energy is not what I want around me.

They don’t deserve your friendship. Who needs friends anyway!? Get a dog! I live a life of solitude and am loving every minute of it! From the moment I get home from work it’s just me, myself and I (along with my furry companions) and l couldn’t be happier 😃

Feeling it too. Everybody either leaves or dies. I can rely on myself and thank goodness I like my own company!

Find happiness in the solitude and then seek out like minded people with common interests so conversation is never ending .Join a club of interest

So sorry to hear that. I find there are so many friends that are really just users. REAL friends do not desert you. I would join a social club - so glad I did.

People can be very fickle.

So sorry to hear that Ire. You seem like a good person soget out there meet new people join a social club. Life's to short

Yes it is a very sad world we live in. When we were in lock down for COVID I kept thinking my life hadn't changed it was still like a Roxette song. It's still me and my cats but they make me happy and put a smile on my face everyday so for that I am grateful🐈‍⬛🐈🐾

They hang around while it benefits them but if the table is turned they are gone

I completely understand and it means one can’t be sick or garner sympathy if understanding when they are not 100% on their game, hang in there

I’m sorry you are experiencing loneliness. There are organisations that can help you with that. Take care

Priscilla I can understand as I am in the same position. My husband was ill for almost three years and like you people came but when I became his carer gradually, they stopped. I had one faithful friend who came to help me with my husband, and she was there for me when he passed away and helped me in so many ways. Unfortunately she too passed away about six months ago and I miss her fun and laughter that we used to share.

I didn't lose friends then, but did lose them as my husband became more and more ill until we had hardly any friends left and once he had gone then many more stopped coming to see me or inviting me out. Seems one has to be 'normal' i.e. a couple in good health and always helping others to have a lot of friends these days - others are too busy on their phones with 'social' friends!

sad

I have had this problem and people took pay outs not to hang out with me or hire me and I was run over by an SUV and didn't get a settlement!!

Its the times we live in. I am 80 and am often told I don't look 80 whatever that means. I am losing friends because they smoked, I must admit the pace of the modern world just baffles me. I can't help looking back and thinking how much easier it was in the past. But maybe I am looking through rose coloured glasses. I just know I used to laugh a lot more then. I suppose we must try to be positive, I miss the old Melbourne when it was safe to travel into town . I used to know all the shops along Swanston Street,.and they were just beautiful. Now it is full of budget $2 shops etc. I hate feeling like this, but there it is times have changed.

If your friends can't accept that you are trying to improve yourself or wanting new goals, etc, then they don't have your best interest at heart. They might even be jealous. These are not true friends. Part ways & find new friends.

I have a number of acquaintances, but only 3 friends. And our lives have moved on such that I rarely see my friends. We do an occasional email or text, but only catch up face to face rarely. But when we do catch up it's as if we've never been apart.

Your never really alone because eventually you find your soul self, and you will attract like minded souls 😇

Totally a very sad world we live in ,I agree as if you do not keep phoning people and you buying coffee when others dont want to put their hand in their pocket ,time to look after yourself .

As long as it could be in the end about them they will stay around you for sure

People can be very selfish sometimes but you just need to do what feels right for you.

I'm afraid people are selfish, they only want you when you are convenient for them. Create your own path of happiness.

You see you can't please everyone so ya got to please yourself

Same , I went through a rough patch few years ago. Stayed at home by myself a lot . When I decided to push myself and went out I was told by ‘ a friend’ if I’m going to sit there and be miserable go home don’t bring us all down…. How nice was that ..?? I stay home all the time now on my own with my dog , much happier.

They are not your true friends.

Not too sure

Sometimes you just need your own company☺️

They are not friends. There is people who will be true friends no matter what.

When you are not okay is when you find out if they are really your friends, id rather have a few that will stick by me through anything than lots who will disappear

this also happens when you get very ill - they all seem to think it is too hard and run for the hills - thank goodness i have a great partner

sorry to hear you are lonely. Great you have started thinking of yourself. Try not to worry about the no friends as such as most people who have friends find out the so called friends are really not much more than acquaintances. Best to be on your own than with artificial "friends". see if you can find solace/company in pets [even if someone else's] or reading, or volunteering, even music can help. don't rely on others you will normally be disappointed

It sounds like you need these "friends" more than they do. Most people, I'm guessing, don't want to hear about your goals and aspirations because it reminds them of their own shortcomings. There's nothing wrong with the world, just what you want to get out of it. There are all kinds of groups out there that will provide with more "friends" than you can handle. Remember, just because you know someones first name doesn't mean they are your friend. The other thing you may want to look at is how you define a friend. Real friends will never truly leave you. People will come and go into and out of your life as long as you live. Try and find someone you can really count on and I'm pretty sure you'll never be truly alone again.Edited 08-Apr-25 11:47am

They're needy for your attention, the type of people who will never be happy and are very narcissistic. It's all about them, they live for the attention and drama and need it to validate every aspect of their life. So when you stop giving them what the attention they want, so stops the friendship. To be honest you're much better off without them. Do things for you. These days I have lots of hobbies and I'm very happy not catching up with fake friends.

just how the world is now,people are really only interested in you for what you can do for them,i dont really blame them because social engineering has drummed into them that its all about them and no one else matters

When you are a people please, it's all about the other person. You are there for them, doing for them, but when you focus on yourself, that's what happens, you focus on you & not them & they aren't the center of attention anymore & they don't like it. If there are people like that in your life, run long, fast, & hard, the other way. They will do nothing but drain you!!

Do you have an amateur theatre group near you. It is amazing how when you attend one of their plays how involved you get with speaking to strangers and the actors during and after the performance. You can make friends who you only meet each time you attend one of these sessions so they will not drain you on a daily basis but you wil have people you can mingle with and enjoy the discussions. There may even be someone there who at your stage in life can be your text or phone buddy once a week or when you are having difficulties with health issues. Look around there is always something or someone who can help. Dont be lonely go to a park and sit on a bench and just relax and enjoy the scenery. You are more important than so called friends .

Please don't be lonely, would you want the false friendships? I used to be a super people person but then you learn you need to be your own best friend first and dig out the weeds. I have become a stronger Christian as a bonus.

People pleasers usually carry the load of friendships i.e. always reaching out first, organising things, being the support. When that stops, so does the friendship usually. Those friends were happy with you doing all the heavy lifting and making the effort. The ones that make the effort to check in with you are the ones that value your friendship more. I know this from experience. I am happy to be without the 'takers', life feels lighter & free-er without them. Make your own way in the world and you will attract new friends who will value you for being 'you'. Jealousy can also cause people to distance themselves. Maybe these old friends are jealous that you have improved your life?

Its sad to lose track of friends but we make new ones cherish them while you have them

Just live see what happens in the future. A lot of people don't like change. All those friends don't like change. It seems you don't like change either. Give it time say hello to a friend in the future and see if they know who you are in anymore. They most probably still remember you it seems quite exiting to meet up with an old friend again. Become friends with just one friend and make that person more important, than all friends in mass numbers. As a last resort you could become friends with a Neo robot and see how it grows on a day to day basis. Problem is they cost a lot, and most probably add to the electricity bill. Human friends must add to the electricity bill too though, so don't worry about that so much it is just the up front cost, and the fact that it might not be the friend you want, and if you want to program it to be the friend you want it might turn out to be to much of a replica to your self.

I can relate because they want you around when you are supportive and giving, but they seem to choose those who drain them. I don't understand, and I'm not willing now to even make friends. It hurts way too much!

You know, the only person we should be trying to please is Jesus Christ. He will stick with us closer than a brother, He will never leave us or forsake us, and as long as we continue to accept Him as our Lord and Saviour, He is pleased. This morning, I was reading about King David, who was King of Israel back in the day. Even though he committed some egregious sins, when it was brought to his attention, he confessed, asked for forgiveness, and God was pleased with Him. Focus on pleasing Christ, and everything else will be all right. Trust me on this - I am speaking from experience.

i still have afriend on the other side of the world We have now been freinds 76 years

Join a more spiritual group. Like church become a family of Christ.

Perhaps it's because we are no longer doing what we a supposed to be doing?

List your interests and find local groups that fit and go.. it’s amazing what’s out there, it might be a bit scary at first but you will never know till you do it. Your village is out there somewhere , keep us posted

I have friends when I ttend the Local Church .Michael

When I met my partner, same thing happened to me. I lost all my friends. It really didn'y effect me much as I looked at it as, were they really my friends? No they weren't, if they were they would of been happy for me and excepted my partner as well. I enjoy my own company and I enjoy having no friends drama and conflict. I have a great life with my partner (of 22 years) and my two beautiful furry babies. That's all I truly need.Edited 08-Apr-25 21:31pm

Lonely is okay, you don’t have to be a people pleaser, just find new friends they will be probably better than the ones you through were true to you.

I suppose it depends on what sort of peple you have been mixing with. One example is what happens within Religious Families. Control Freak Priests, Pastors, Imams or Rabbis brought your parents, and theirs before them and then you to believe that IF you do this, you will go to Heaven but IF you do that you will go to Hell. Then, of course, there are other Control Freaks who have nothing to do with religion, people like Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Putin, Trump, Xi and all the other dictators around the world who, whilst you obey them they will be your Best Friends. Oppose them and you may as well accept it that they will imprison you, Disappear you and kill you or send you to some Concentration Camp like Guantanamo Bay, one reason to be sent there is if you have to have a skin colour which they don't like. Be yourself, make your own decisions, stop trying to please everyone, aspire to be whatever it is YOU want to be. OK, so you will lose those Control Freak Friends, but then they aren't really friends at all, are they? You will find like-minded, independant people who will become Loyal Friends, admire you for what You have acheived. Have a look at the appalling damage the USA, currently being led by the worst Control Freak ever, Donald Trump, is doing to the World. The USA has dumped all of it's former Allies and Friends. Look what the USA did to Iraq. Saddam Hussein was once the Darling of the US Government, then he decided he would not, like the rest of us stupidly did, obey the US and what did the USA do? It Illegally Invaded Iraq, just as Russia under Putin has done to Ukraine, and destroyed Iraq, murdering 100s of 1000s of Innocent Iraqi Citizens and the USA passed those murders off as Collaterol Damage.

People pleaser's are those who STILL DO NOT KNOW WHO THEY ARE. I know, because I was a people pleaser....as I observed the people I was pleasing, walk all over each other, talk behind each other's back, cheat on spouses, etc etc. I went through all of this years ago...and, eventually, I came to realize that I HAD to let them all go...I cut off MANY, even some good ones, but it had to be done. Now, if I happen to run into any...most I don't even look at, but those VERY FEW good ones GET IT. We are cordial, but know we live different lives now. Just remember, you will soon cherish being alone...and, you'll also realize being alone DOES NOT mean you are lonely!! ;)

Perhaps your friends feel like you don't have time for them anymore. Or maybe you've outgrown that set of friends and it's time to make new ones. I got married young and my friends still wanted me to go roller skating with them, but I had babies to care for, so I stayed home. Eventually, when they married, got jobs and had kids, we were once again on the same level and able to reconnect. If you have always said, "yes" to your friends sacrificing your own needs, it is a hard adjustment for them. When my mom began to take time to take care of her own mental health, my sister and I didn't like it when she wouldn't babysit for as often, but now that I'm older, I understand that she needed to say "no."

I don't understand? If you did what you stated, why are you where you say you are?

Did not mind losing some of the not good ones

There could be a range of reasons, for example: *They haven't adjusted to the changes very well *You have changed so much that it's difficult for them to relate to you *They don't like how you've changed, possibly because they miss the old you or are jealous or they're worried you're leaving them behind. Just think for a moment, if you had a friend that all of a sudden spent far less time with you, even if their actions are justified or noble, how would you cope with that?

I don’t surround myself with people like that, I only want people who are happy with my triumph and achievements to be a part of my life and I feel like that about others as well

Reach out to someone you trust. A true friend will listen.

There's a saying that you have friends everyday and on your bad day you rely siblings/or your family

My Dad used to call those types of people....fair weather friends. A true friend is there when you are at your best or your worst and everything in between. I am not a people pleaser, but my middle sister is and sometimes people take advantage of her because of this,

My best friend has been very distant lately and am trying to heal the problem.I was grieving the loss of my 31 year old daughter and asked her if she could pick up some friends and drive them to the funeral.she said yes and a few days later said she couldnt.She arrived late to my daughters funeral and sat outside the chapel.After the funeral she approached me and asked if I had a problem.I said no.I rang her and she said that I was very disrespectful towards her and did not think of her at all.I said I was sorry.Lately I have been ringing her every few weeks to try and repair this friendship of 25 years

People are social animals. Loneliness is something that sometimes can creep up on you. I find watching movies where achievements are celebrated, as being something that picks me up. why not try that ~!!!

I lost my best friend of 16 years from work and later on in my life due to messaging between us that my spouse saw and took it the wrong way... so now I do not have anyone to spend time on the phone and have a healthy chat.... or someone to call my best friend

This has never happened to me I have true freinds that are always there even if we live a long way from each other we still keep in touch with each other

Sorry to hear that. Think life just gets too busy for some people.

If they are true friends they will stand by you…if not, they were never friends in the first place.

you never lose real friends, but you do lose acquaintances that in all reality were only there for something you gave them, real friends are there through thick and thin, get out and explore the world and don't look for friends, they will find you,,,

I have found life is about learning I gave up work to look after my wife [triple bypass] and grandkids [autism]and retired a little bit before my time, before that we had people over almost every day i ran a cleaning business, I gave several contracts away to people who were struggling helped get a start in the business, had people over almost nightly for tea and drinks, but when trouble hit my house it turned into a ghost town, i believe things happen for reasons, my crafting has led me to volunteer at 2 local schools helping with their upcycling program, I have reconnected with my younger brother, I am heavily involved in my grandchildren, my life is really good in the last few years it has flipped full circle life is a bit like The Cats In Cradle song, you can't see the trees for the forest, look after yourself and the people/family you have im sure it will turn around don't change who you are and stay positive, look for the simple things the little things things will turn for you im sure ,there are a lot of great people here on rewardia that you can talk to 😃

I think people get intimidated by change.

I'm sorry, there is groups to reach out to

Hi I am sorry this is happening to you. Loneliness is awful and I feel your pain. sadly it is when you put yourself first that our friends get fickle. Edited 08-Apr-25 05:26am

I have been lonely a lot for some years now. Most of my friends live 70-300 miles away now. We keep in touch via phone, email and social media some. My daughter moved 8 years ago to Nebraska and so did one of her daughters the one who mostly came around and helped a lot. The others visit 2-3 times a year but busy with kids and life. I live remote. Have my husband and a son and grandson who reside with us but all me. Times I really need female companionship. Church no longer helps we left when there were 3 splits and so it gets lonely and I live remote in the mountains. Neighbors mostly young families now. But I was lonely as a child and teen a lot too no real friends. It is just what My life has been a lot.

I made myself reclusive and I'm better off for it. I have no disappointment or expectations. I rely on myself and I'm happier for it.

Im so sorry

Yes it's hard but you want to keep on going you will get different friends

I'm sorry that you're going through this sad stage. I really don't think it will last as you clearly like being around people and you will go search out new ones to hang around with. Maybe these people who have taken a step back just don't know what to say. Or may wonder if you want them in your life. Have you reached out to them to start a conversation or invite someone to lunch? People do come and go in our lives. It is hard adjusting but you can get through this:) If you like yourself you can tell yourself all the affirming messages you need to know that you are okay and enough, problems and all. Do something for you today. Paint your nails, order your favourite meal, or go to your favourite restaurant or a movie. Fill your life with things you enjoy. Pamper yourself with a nice long bath. Whatever you want. Do it.

Being alone and being lonely are two different things. I live alone with my Yorkie and I have no relatives in the city I live in. You can keep in touch with video calls or email. Once you start doing things for yourself you have less time for friends and there is nothing wrong with that.

I'm not lonely, I live with a rabbit, she makes me laugh at times. When a person changes and does something different to please themselves, some people do not know how to react to the new you, they don't know what to say to you. make new friends. Chat to people here on Rewardia.

Not many genuine friends out there

I don't consider myself a 'people pleaser', but a compassionate, loving person. As I suggested below to Maryann S 387790, may I suggest reaching out on jw.org and requesting a free home Bible study? Not only will you be learning Bible truths, but you will be pleasing God, and the people you meet will be like family; brothers and sisters, very loving, and they will help you with anything you need, because they love Jehovah God, and obey his commandments because they are not burdensome! May God Bless You! ;-D

Want friends, you need to be friendly. Never alone, have Jesus in my Life.

If you like your own company, you will never mind being by yourself. If you have God in your life, you are never alone or by yourself which is a comforting thought. Forget trying to please others. They will let you down. Instead, turn to God and begin to grow into the person God wants you to be and He is there to see that you achieve and become the person He has created you to be. And if I might add, you can achieve way more than you ever thought humanly possible with Him. You will be to busy and happy to feel lonely.

*HUGS*

I’m lonely all the time even when I’m surrounded by love ones

Positive friendships can inspire us to achieve our goals and become better versions of ourselves. You had a friendship cleanse to make way for better interactions.

That is sad. They couldn't have been much of a friend if they abandoned you.Edited 08-Apr-25 06:08am

I am alone always. I am late-life handicapped from an accident, My husband died very young. I have no family. I have GREAT friends for over 55 years. It is the alone time that hurts deeply. I am VERY concerned about my passing & what to put in my will, Any suggestions on how to meet people?